Teh Wurld Phamus Joee Mikals Scool of Playrittenin (lousybunchof) wrote,
Teh Wurld Phamus Joee Mikals Scool of Playrittenin

88 Lines About 44 Fantasists

This is from here. We're working on getting 44 sci fi/fantasy writers:

Vonnegut was maudlin,
World War 2 still shook him up. (1)
Borges was provincial,
Poured his wine into a cup. (2)
Nabokov was classist
And crypto-libertarian. (3)
Bradbury became a crank
As an octogenarian. (4)

Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

Asimov showed gender bias
He was a product of his age. (5)
Card was a closet case
Spewed his hate onto the page. (6)
PKD was way screwed up,
A schizo misogynist. (7)
L. Ron Hubbard was, of course,
The first Scientologist. (8)

Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm
Hmmm Hmmm Hmmm

Hogan denied the Holocaust
Left his reader's mouth's agape. (9)
McCaffrey thought you'd turn gay
If you suffered anal rape. (10)
Clark was a pederast
Buggered boys in old Ceylon. (11)
Nivens wished you were dead
If your name's Jose or Juan. (12)


From Neoma:

Conan Doyle snorted coke
then photoed fairies on the glen (13)
Grossman, though he was a geek,
still pissed off genre fiction fans. (14)
Jose Farmer fanficked Burton,
made enemies of Vonnegut (15)
Lizzie Bear wrote on the other,
racefail arguments won't stop. (16)

John C. Wright was homophobic,
wrote of spanking teenagers. (17)
Ellison was widely-known
as tittie-twist extraordinaire. (18)
Simmons was a xenophobe,
hoped the Arab race would end. (19)
MZB was liberated,
fine with husband's young boyfriends (20)


From infitinewindow:

Tolkien made a Middle Earth
But never knew when to quit (21)
Sturgeon overcriticized,
named nine-tenths of creation shit (22)

infinitewindow also suggester Leiber and Delany so I wrote:

"Leiber spent a dozen years
Struggling with poverty. (23)
Chip Delany wrote novels
That bordered on pornography." (24)

(or: Chip Delany wrote oodles
Of glorious pornography)

with thanks to Zed


RMD wrote:

L. Ron Hubbard was, of course,
The first Scientologist.
Alice Sheldon aka Tiptree,
I chose you to end this list. (25)

(we'll find a new home for PKD)


seanmpuckett wrote:

Harry Harrison's best known
Character's a moralist qua crook (26)
And Neil Stephenson, the sap
Never learned how to end a (27)


grubi writes:

Robert Anton Wilson
Was drugged well past his wits (28)
Crichton thought he was smarter
Ignored climate scientists (29)


Hactar writes:

Mieville hated Tolkien's work
has no time for romantics (30)
Banks wrote the Culture books
hippies in high tech ships (31)


Based on Faint of Butt and Straight's suggestions, I've added:

Lem hated those who wrote
On the west side of the globe. (32)
H.P Lovecraft hated more -
He was a racist xenophobe. (33)
Anthony wrote a book
About the colors of panties. (34)
Moore made superheroes into
Mental case vigilantes. (35)


More from grubi:

Aspirin was clever
His works were hit or myth (36)
Martin's work is dark and rapey
Says fanfic doth infringeth (37)

Bester worked on TV
And had a freaky Dianetic trip (38)
Cherryh transcends genre
With worldcraft and gender ish (39)


Adding (based on Faint of Butt and trying to add PKD back in):

Heinlein had a special way
Of making incest seem ok. (40)
PKD had visions that
Signified mental decay.


Adding (based on Ber)

John C. Wright lost his mind
After joining the Catholic Church. (41)
Simmons' thoughts on Muslims are
To the right of John Birch. (42)

(help - neither of those is quite right)



All of Martin's women get
Molested in twenty ways. (43)
Donaldson keeps cashing in
On his early glory days. (44)

Straight suggest:

I'm not sure Piers Anthony is worthy of this list, but you could have fun rhyming panties with vigilanties.


"This, of course, alludes to you" suggests:

mark twain: arrogant wearisome misanthrope
faulkner: racist
socrates: pedo
butt: fart

And, of course, also suggested the original list:

bradbury is a crank
asimov is a misogynist
PKD was a schizo misogynist
lem was classist
borges was provincial
vonnegut was maudlin
nabokov was classist and crypto-libertarian
burroughs was probably a pedo

We still need to address Lem and also find a new position for PKD


Faint of Butt adds:

H.P. Lovecraft was a racist xenophobe. Robert Heinlein was a hardcore right-wing militarist. And if we're including minor sins as well as major ones, Douglas Adams was a chronic procrastinator who could never meet a deadline.

I was thinking of something for Heinlein like:

Heinlein had a special way
Of making incest seem ok.

But I kind of like the right wing militarist angle.


Missed this earlier. Ber wrote:

Don't forget Dan Simmons who wrote some fable of some sort about wiping the Arabs off the face of the earth (post 9/11 but that doesn't excuse anything). There's also John C. Wright who converted to Catholicism and then went totally batshit insane over politics.
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